In Praise of Glop on Toast

If there was only one thing that I could cook, I would make it be Glop on Toast. It's tasty, filling, easy to make and there are variations of it to suit every occasion, even formal ones.

Bauern Toast 

On the easy end of the spectrum, there is Bauern Toast from Austria. Bauern is the German word for farmer, and I've read that Bauern Toast is a traditional farmer's meal. Personally, I find it a quick and tasty meal when I am in the middle of a good book and want to get back to my reading. MountainHorseGrrl likes it during our damp and chilly winters in the Santa Cruz mountains when her giddyup-and-go has gaddyup-and-went.

Several slices sharp Cheddar cheese 

To taste, grated Asiago cheese
Several slices heirloom tomato
Several slices of your favorite Artisan Bread
1-2 Tbsp unsalted butter

1. Butter the outsides of the slices of bread. (That is, the sides that will not be towards the cheese.) 
2. Assemble bread, both cheeses and tomato into a tomato-cheese sandwich with the buttered sides of the bread facing outward. A few minutes perusing Google will show you that there are many variations of Bauern toast that include lots of different ingredients so feel free to improvise as the feeling moves you. 
3. Heat a heavy skillet over medium heat and put the sandwiches into the pan, flipping them so that both sides become a nice golden brown. 
4. When sandwiches are nearly done, cover the pan with a pot lid for the last few minutes so that the steam will cause the cheese to melt all the way through. 

Serve. Remember, dribbling cheese and tomato juice on your book is SO attractive, so mind the escaping droplets as you enjoy. 

Bauern Toast II

Another variant of Bauern Toast which I was first introduced to at our local Tyrolean restaurant, I have subsequently sampled while visiting in Bavaria (which was odd, since Bavaria is definitely not Austria. It was kind of like going to North Dakota and being served grits 'n' gravy. When I spotted Bauern Toast on the menu and had to try it, my Bavarian hosts had a laugh at my weirdness.) This version is a little more work than the previous one, but still only about fifteen minutes to make and a lot yummier:

4 slices thick-cut bacon

6 oz flat, sliced fresh mushrooms
1/2 diced yellow onion
1 Tbsp fresh or marinated garlic
1 Tbsp unsalted butter
1 Tbsp general-purpose flour
1/2 cup heavy whipping cream
2-3 oz crumbled Gorgonzola cheese
2-4 slices your favorite artisan bread

1. Chop bacon into 1" chunks and turn out into a heavy skillet over medium-high heat. 
2. When the bacon is about half done cooking, add mushrooms and onion. Sauté. 
3. When the mushrooms and onions are beginning to turn translucent and are a minute or two from being done cooking, add garlic and salt and pepper to taste. 
4. When bacon is cooked but onions and mushrooms are not yet overcooked, turn heat down to low and push mixture to edges of skillet, clearing the center of the pan. 
5. In the center of the pan, make a roux. (To make roux, melt the tablespoon of butter in the pan and add the tablespoon of flour to it, stirring until flour has browned. The roux becomes the base of the cream sauce and will cause it to thicken nicely as you continue to stir the sauce over the low heat.) 
6. Add the half-cup of cream to the roux a little bit at a time, stirring continuously. 
7. Add gorgonzola crumbles, continuing to stir until the cheese melts into the sauce and the sauce begins to become thick and creamy. Add additional salt and pepper if required. 
8. Stir sauce into the rest of the ingredients that you had previously pushed to the edges of the pan. 

Serve hot over slices of your favorite artisan bread. 

Welsh Rarebit

Similar to Bauern Toast but even easier to make and a with a very different, somewhat more refined flavor, is Welsh Rarebit from our friends in the UK. It's spelled rarebit but pronounced rabbit, or as John Cleese would say, "It's spelled luxury yacht but it's pronounced throat-warbler mangrove." 

(Traditional... Welsh... No rabbits hurt during preparation.)

2 cups, grated Cheddar cheese
1/4 cup, grated Asiago cheese
2 Tbsp unsalted butter
2 Tbsp general purpose flour
1 cup your favorite beer
2-4 slices your favorite artisan bread 

1. In a heavy frying pan over medium-low heat, make a roux. 
2. As explained above, to make roux, melt the two tablespoons of butter in the pan and add the two tablespoons of flour to it, stirring until flour has browned. The roux becomes the base of the sauce and will cause it to thicken nicely as you continue to stir the sauce over the low heat. 
3. Add the beer to the roux, stirring continually so that it combines into a sauce. 
4. Add both Cheddar and Asiago cheese, a handful at a time, stirring continuously until it becomes a smooth sauce. Continue stirring and cooking until the sauce has reduced to the thickness you desire. 

Serve by pouring sauce over slices of your favorite artisan bread. 

Toast Skagen

Another incredibly simple variation of Glop on Toast that's easy to make but a little fancier and so rich tasting that it's best saved for special occasions like lunch with your Mother-in-Law, is Toast Skagen. I first encountered Toast Skagen last year when I was in Stockholm for a computer conference. 

As I wandered around old-town Stockholm looking at all the troll statues and knit sweaters for sale, I was struck by the preponderance of restaurants offering Italian and Mediterranean food. On the cheap end of the spectrum, there were a lot of places offering lasagne and spaghetti.  It made me wonder what the Swedish colloquialism for Spag Bol was.  Actually finding Scandinavian food in Stockholm turned into something of a personal quest. Persevering until I at last found something that seemed both traditional and local, I was surprised to see that a dish called Toast Skagen was as common on the menu as Meatballs in Lingonberry Sauce. 

Since I was already familiar with meatballs in Lingonberry sauce from being an IKEA shopper here in the States, I skipped over that and went right for the reindeer steak and the Toast Skagen. 

The reindeer steak was an interesting experience, perhaps best described as "what venison should taste like" but it was the Toast Skagen that was the real winner. It was so good that when I got back, I had to try making it for MountainHorseGrrl. 

It's not the cheapest dish to make. The ingredients are on the expensive side. However the taste is excellent and as I mentioned, it's incredibly rich tasting for how simple it is. The three-way contrast between the flavors of the shrimp, the dill and the butter is lovely. If you make it, don't skip the caviar (roe). It's the inexpensive kind and really adds to the flavor. 

2 cups peeled, cooked baby shrimp
1/2 juiced lemon
2 Tablespoons minced dill (fresh!)
2 Tablespoons minced red onion
1 Tablespoon per slice butter
1/4 - 1/2 cup mayonnaise
To taste: Bleak Roe (whitefish roe)
4 Pieces artisanal white bread 

1. In a medium-sized bowl combine shrimp, red onion, dill and lemon juice. Fold in enough mayonnaise to create a salad-like consistency. 
2. Add salt and pepper to taste. 
3. Melt butter in a heavy medium-sized skillet. 
4. Brown slices of bread in butter until both sides are evenly toasted. Use additional butter if necessary; the taste of the butter is a necessary complement to the dill. 
5. Blot the sautéed toast on a piece of paper towel to absorb excess butterfat. 
6. Place the toast on four plates and divide the shrimp mixture on top. 
7. Top each with a spoonful of roe. 

Serve with a light, crisp Riesling or Sauvignon Blanc. 

I know this dish feels fancy but resist the urge to refer to the meal as luncheon when you serve it. It's lunch. Really. Luncheon is what little old ladies in polyester pantsuits have while kibitzing and kvetching. Of course, if you are serving it to your mother-in-law, call it what you like…she'll probably be so astonished you can cook at all that you might escape the kvetching for an hour or so.

A couple of observations about "Natural Horsemanship"

It's fascinating that gentle and go slow are common themes in the various descriptions people have offered for what they think Natural Horsemanship is.

I think these two themes account for a large part of Natural Horsemanship's appeal to people who are ineffective with their horses.  Gentle and go slow validate for a timid person that their timidity is actually a "good way" and... unless they achieve some better understanding... encourages them to continue on their path of being ineffective and creating another "STOMP-A-SAURUS".

Interestingly though, it isn't just Mary Milquetoast rationalizing to herself who uses those words in talking about Natural Horsemanship. Other people -- successful, competent practitioners who have made emotionally stable, well-schooled horses also find those words on the tip of their tongues when they describe what they do. I think the reason is not because those are the important concepts of Natural Horsemanship but rather the ways in which NH differs from the most common abuse scenarios we all see around us. Which is to say, the horse-beaters and face-haulers who pretend to practice dressage and the mouth-rippers and gut-spurrers who call what they do reining or team penning. Saying "NH is gentle and slow" immediately sets it apart from those kinds of behaviors.

Personally, I think that gentle and go slow are SYMPTOMS. Side-effects. Not core techniques. They are the natural result of following the essential principle that informs what NH is about. Namely:

Natural Horsemanship is HORSE TRAINING BASED ON AN ACUTE UNDERSTANDING OF HORSE PSYCHOLOGY and BIOMECHANICS.

If you're proceeding based on such an understanding, what you're after is teaching the horse to do what you want in a manner that is efficient, trauma-free and creates a reliable, willing partner. This doesn't mean you have to go slow. You don't have to be gentle. It's just that for most horses, and most people, going slow and gentle is most always the most effective approach.

However, I can cite example after example which clearly illustrate that the more acute your understanding and accurate your reading of a horse, the faster you can go and get a better result for both you and the horse. Since Buck Brannaman is my favorite exemplar, I'll use him. One of the things I've seen him do time after time is to take a green horse or a seriously screwed up older horse and in a matter of minutes help that horse get things straightened out and find a better way to behave. The change for the horse is SO radical that it does seem like magic to an outside observer. There is no magic though. Just accurate application of simple principles based on careful observation and acute understanding of how this particular horse's head is working. Buck figures out what's troubling that particular horse, finds which path of communication still means something to the horse, and uses that path to show the horse that there is a way for the horse to escape what's bothering him. He starts with any small successful communication he can have with the horse and builds it into something big and robust very quickly by observing honestly and responding accurately.

By this definition, Natural Horsemanship is just a convenient, popularized label for a practice of understanding and interaction that can occur in any tradition of horsemanship. All the other aspects are just style, trappings, marketing or personality cult.

There is a style that is intrinsic to well-practiced Natural Horsemanship. It isn't ONLY found there; other disciplines, when well-practiced feature it too. However it's most often seen in NH because NH tends to attract the sort of people who favor this particular style. By contrast, in other disciplines it may take a very long time to master the "trappings" of the discipline sufficiently to get to the point where it's possible to practice this same style effectively.

This style I'm talking about is the approach one takes when teaching a horse to do something. There are a lot of basic ways to approach teaching. Many people start from a point of view that says "Well, this is just how my horse is." Beginning from this point of view, they often have a terrible time trying to effect change. We see this a lot in new horse people and Mary Milquetoasts. We see a lot of these people out there with carrot sticks and progress strings getting nothing done and falling off their horses every time the horses spook at a plastic bag blowing by.

There's also the style of "I don't much care what your idea WAS, your idea now MUST BE THIS". We see a lot of these folks in dressage. It's a control-freak point of view and appeals to lots of folks whose lives are otherwise out of control. It fits nicely with all the spiff "Dominant" clothing and riding bats and such that are prominent in the dressage community. These folks want to control something absolutely and they've nominated their horse as the controllee regardless of what the horse has to say about it. These folks often get the job done and get their horse to do what they want, but they wind up with a horse that's stiff and hard and insecure and shutdown and not much of a partner. A horse who spooks at nothing and dumps them when they're outside the dressage ring. This isn't unique to Dressage. We also see this type in western competitive riding and the legions of messed-up, psychotic team penning horses and breakaway roping horses bear witness to the damage that can be wrought by a "Yee Haw, Git it DONE, DAMMIT" mentality.

But the "better way" style I'm really talking about... The style you see sometimes in the very best dressage riders and the quiet old cowboys and often in Natural Horsemanship, is a style where you first figure out where your horse is at, then you figure out where you want your horse to be and then you align yourself with your horse and lead your horse to the new way of thinking one step at a time, allowing each step to be the horse's own idea.

Tom and Bill wrote about this, and Ray talks about it as "First you let the horse's idea become yours, then you let your idea become the horse's."

This is really a Taoist point of view. To paraphrase Lao-tse: To change the course of a river, you don't block the flood. It would only overwhelm you. Instead you align yourself with it and move with the flow and then it only takes a small effort to nudge it sideways until eventually it flows in a new streambed.

Doing this isn't easy and depending on how much of a change is required, may take considerable time. It also doesn't take nearly the forcefulness that simply opposing the flow does. Hence, the reputation of NH for slow and gentle.

However, rivers do have a pace to them... sometimes quite rapid. Changing their course does take effort. So if you don't bring determination, willingness to move quickly and a certain forcefulness to the project you will wind up being swept away by the flood just like those Mary Milquetoasts with their carrot sticks we've all seen and you will wind up being squashed by your STOMP-A-SAURUS instead of effecting concrete change in him.

So when you work with your horse, you need to bring it. When you say something, you need to mean it. However, the idea is to use only as much force as is necessary and to always give the horse a way out to avoid the force completely.

The way Ray Hunt and Bonnie Stoehn phrase it is: "When you want your horse to do something... or to stop doing something... you start by asking half as "loud" as the minimum you think is necessary and then you don't stop turning up the volume until you get the result you want. This always gives them the opportunity to surprise you by being better than you think but makes sure you never teach them that it's okay to ignore you because you don't stop until you get the desired result."

Buck's variation on this is "You ALWAYS start by offering him a good deal and then you turn up the heat until he takes it."

As an illustrative example (uh oh, ANOTHER Buck story :p)... A few years ago at the colt starting clinic where I started Captain Jack, a woman brought a beautiful agouti dun stallion to "restart". This woman's feel was so bad that she would beat this stallion in his blind spot with a stud chain when she wanted him to back up. She admitted she could only ride him when he was drugged.

In short, she had taught him to be an outlaw, and he demonstrated it by trying to put his shod forefeet through her head a number of times in the first ten minutes of class. Buck finally took the stallion off her hands and told her to go sit on the fence and contemplate the fact that this horse's behavior was her fault while he worked with the stud for a bit.

I won't go into a blow-by-blow but it took twenty minutes to get things straightened out. At the end of it, the horse wasn't "fixed" but he was on a better path that would lead him to success IF a better owner were to handle him. The process didn't look very slow or gentle though.  The first five minutes of that twenty were awfully... western. It was still a paradise of calm and gentleness compared to what that Stallion was used to though.

What Buck did was incredibly simple and was done purely with a rope halter and a treeline leadrope with a leather popper on the end. No tiedowns, no chains, no bats, no fancy or cruel gear. No drugs or gimmicks.  And he did it from the ground, in a manner that kept himself safe as long as his timing was good and his attention was on what he was doing.

He started by asking the stallion to move out in a circle around him. He did this by opening out his arms and providing slack in the leadrope in the direction he wanted the stallion to go in, and waving the tail end of the leadrope a little toward the stallion's rear end to provide a tiny amount of encouraging pressure. The stallion answered by trying to rear and paw his head off. Just as those front feet came off the ground, the tail end of that leadrope spun and came down on the stallion's nose as hard as Buck could crack him.

Then Buck opened out again and again asked him to go, offering a little pressure on the hind. Up went the stallion and down came the tail of the lead rope smack on his nose. The third time, the stallion only half-reared and Buck only had to yank downward on the lead with good timing and the stallion decided rearing wasn't the answer.

Then the stallion decided that kicking might work, so when Buck opened up the lead again and asked him to move out, he spun his hind end around to bring his guns to bear. Buck just yanked hard and sideways to disengage the stallion's hind end. (I mean HARD, but still not the same kind of hard as if you were to hit him in the hind, trying to accomplish the same thing.) The stallion had no choice but to disengage because if he resisted the sideways pull he'd cross himself up and fall. So as he disengaged, Buck gave him a momentary slack in the leadrope... rewarding him for disengaging as he had been asked to... and then opened the lead out, asking the stallion to move out the other way. The stallion of course tried to line up to kick again and Buck disengaged him again, and then slacked the line to reward him again for following his request even if the stallion was only following it accidentally.

After about ten or fifteen of these, the stallion finally took one step forward when the next opening was offered and Buck IMMEDIATELY took the pressure off and let the stallion chew for a couple of seconds.

It went on from there for another fifteen minutes but it was just successively refined versions of more of the same and by the end of it, the stallion would put his head down for him, let him pet on him, would walk, trot out, change gait and direction, back up, and do it all softly.

so..

Was this soft and gentle? Compared to what the stallion experienced at home, ABSOLUTELY. Compared to what a well-trained horse would experience? No. There was considerable force applied. Buck was *tired* after.

Was this abuse? Not a bit!

The key thing and the entire secret to success was that the *right* force was applied at the *right* time and the stallion ALWAYS had a good deal that he could take to avoid the force all together. What Buck did was not force him to submit or punish him for rebelling but show him that the right thing was easy and the wrong thing was hard and that there was an intelligence that could communicate in a meaningful way on the other end of the leadrope so it was worth the stallion's self-interest to pay attention and go along and if he did so, he would be on easy street.

It's also worth noting that there was none of this "I'm going to lunge him at a canter for a hundred circles to teach him not to..." nonsense. Each step of the lesson was direct, simple cause-and-effect that built one on the other to help the stallion learn what he could do to keep himself on easy street and out of trouble.

Fast, Fake Homemade Spaghetti Sauce

The Brits refer to it colloquially as Spag Bol and the BBC has declared it the most popular dish in the UK, much to the chagrin of my expat friends with more refined palates. The French call it Spaghetti Bolognese. I'm told that the good people of Bologna, Italy don't even eat it, preferring to serve their Ragu Bolognese over lasagna noodles or bread. As a kid, it was always p'sketti or just sketti and I didn't even mind the version that came in a can--though I was too young to appreciate the stewed tomatoes in the homemade sauces my mother would make.

As an adult who has spent much of his life around spectacular cooks of one ilk or another, I find that spaghetti-oh's just don't cut it anymore. I've come to appreciate proper sauces built from love, patience and fresh ingredients, simmered for hours until they combine with a subtlety and strength of flavor that can't be beat.

Unfortunately, getting home from work at nine at night doesn't leave much time for simmering and nurturing a flavorful ragu and in this day and age, even the world-class cooks I know have day jobs, so it's not like I can bribe them into making it for me. 

However, here's a reasonable compromise. It doesn't have the depth or homogeneity of flavor of a real ragu, but the flavor is good, it can be made in about fifteen minutes, and goes great over a couple of slices of your favorite artisan bread. It won't embarrass a glass of Russo or a nice Shiraz served with it and you'll feel like you had a real dinner rather than a college dorm special.

Fast, Fake Homemade Spaghetti Sauce

1/2 lb Italian Sausage
1/2 diced Yellow Onion
1/2 diced Red Bell Pepper
1/2 diced Green Bell Pepper
2 ounces sliced Mushrooms
1 Jar Commercial Spaghetti Sauce (Newman's Own Sockarooni)
1 tablespoon Fresh or Marinated Garlic
Pinch, to taste: Oregano, Basil, Parsley

1. Turn out Italian sausage in a large, heavy skillet over medium heat. Break up with a spatula into small chunks as it browns for about 5 minutes. 
2. Add onion, peppers, mushrooms. 
3. Sauté mixture until sausage is fully cooked and onions and mushrooms are translucent. 
4. About two or three minutes before sausage is done, add garlic and spices and stir in. Sometimes we add a bit of pepper sauce as well for punch. (Our current favorite is Chalula Chili-Garlic pepper sauce.) 
5. When sausage is fully cooked, add full jar of commercial spaghetti sauce and stir, allowing to simmer for five minutes or as long as you have patience for. It won't be the same as a properly slow-simmered homebuilt sauce that has cooked overnight but what do you want for fifteen or twenty minutes' effort? If I can't find organic prepared spaghetti sauce to work with, I like to use Newman's Own because it doesn't contain any sweeteners or food industry chemicals. It's just tomato sauce and spices. 

For a quick dinner, serve over slices of homemade or organic artisanal bread topped with a little grated asiago, pecorino romano or cheddar cheese. If you have the time and must have your Spag Bol, serve over spaghetti noodles.